So I managed to get through a whole day of work on Monday. But Tuesday was not fun. Tuesday was seriously crappy. It was a public holiday so I didn’t have to go to work. I slept until 11:30 (12 hours!). I set my alarm for 7:30 but I don’t even remember turning it off.
I did yoga. It was a calm video but it felt pretty challenging and it was hard to follow my breath. I planned on going to the gym around noon but while I was having breakfast the wave of exhaustion hit me. By 2 I felt very faint and by 3 I felt dizzy when I stood up. By then I gave up on going to the gym.
My mom left on holiday for a month today so we planned a goodbye dinner for her yesterday. I said I’d leave around 4. But when I started to get ready I couldn’t stand up without feeling queasy. I even threw up after getting dressed. I had to sit on my bathroom floor to brush my teeth because I didn’t have the strength to stand up that long. I cried out of sheer frustration. Yep, I was the cliché girl crying on the bathroom floor …
I thought I was finally getting better, that I was past days like this. Obviously I’m not. I can’t even handle one day at work. Work wasn’t even stressful or especially tiring. Okay, I was pretty tired but all I did was read emails, make a to do list and write the first draft of a newsletter; hardly exhausting work. I felt a bit better after sitting and crying so I dragged myself to my car and drove to my mom. I felt a bit shaky when I arrived so lay in the garden for a while, felt a bit more human after that.
I worked from home today and took it easy, which is a sign of progress. A few months ago I probably would have tried to grit my teeth and go in to the office. Now, while I realised I might have “survived” the day at the office I also know that there’s no point in wearing myself out. I saw my doctor this evening. They said that going back to work full time was definitely not a good idea. So I’ll be working part time for the coming month. At the end of August we’ll evaluate how I’m doing and if I’m ready to work full time.
A part of me cringes at the thought of working part time after already being sick for two months (seems so weak) but another part of me just says “que sera, sera”. Whatever will be, will be and as I can’t control it, all I can do is deal with it.